The problem is that I don’t know where to start.
Ok. So, we just completed a 1-week silent retreat. Well, we didn’t “just” complete it – it ended 4 days ago, but I haven’t known how to write about it. So I just haven’t.
I have my little notebook where I jotted down notes throughout the week – I intentionally tried not to “journal”, but to just write quick snippets of my experiences, for reasons I’ll get into later – but I didn’t even bring myself to look at it until today. Not because the content is particularly deep or dark or even too interesting really, but because every thought I had about the retreat would branch off into 5 more thoughts, and I would immediately become overwhelmed about how to explain it all.
I want to do the experience justice. I’ve heard it said that meditation retreats, or meditation experiences in general, aren’t really something that can be captured with words – which really just means they’re like everything else that we’ve been trying to capture with words for as long as we’ve had language, so hell if I’m not gonna try.
Everything I’m going to say here will be false. Or at least, it won’t be the whole truth, because I’m not skilled enough to give the whole truth. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that this situation, writing about it 4 days later from snippets of notes and wisps of memories, doesn’t allow for the truth of the experience to actually come through.
So, everything I’m going to say over the next few posts will be false. But, if I’m skilled enough, it will perhaps at least point to something vaguely truth-like.
There are only going to be more caveats like that one.